Came back to look at this old space that I unwittingly neglected for 3 months, only to find that the blogskin's owner removed the image.

Such a shame

I shall miss seeing my pretty turquoise blog

There are so many things that happened in 2013 that I am grateful for, truly - new experiences, relationships, travelling to Sydney and Bangkok (and oh! Genting), my internship at Mediacorp, among many others - and one day I will collate them all properly in a chronological blog tribute.
But,

All that said and done, all that's in the past and how can I even begin to try to be happy when I know that what my future holds is another 3.5 years here in Singapore?

My mum always tells me I'll never be contented with what I have, and so I'll never be happy in life. It's true but I can't help it. And I can't help wondering why and how something went so wrong in May that messed up what should have been the perfect journey I'd so meticulously planned out since secondary school.

To everyone I've met here in ntu so far, I'm very thankful. But I'm really sorry to have to say that I'll never be happy here.
And it scares me to think that because of this one setback that threw my whole plan off-track, I may never be happy at all.

CHRISTMAS IS HERE (((almost)))) !!!!

And what better way to get into the spirit of Christmas than with a lustful Christmas wishlist

Top Lusts of this month include:

1) This perfect pair of black boots from bxtwxxn.com (it took so long to finally find the perfect black boot!!)

2) ASOS Live Wire Nude ballet flats with the wide ankle band that I personally find extremely feminine and just so lush (http://www.asos.com/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3160439)

3) ASOS Boucle Blazer/Cardi - can I just say that even with the gazillion cardis that I have I don't actually have a chic comfy one like that (http://www.asos.com/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3256400)


Yeah I know Christmas is 3 days away and I never get presents from anyone apart from my family but idk, just in case anyone who happens to want to get me something pops by this space, I thought I'd help them out a little....

You know, what with the season of giving and all.



(I'm a UK5/EU38 in shoes and a UK6 in clothes, btw.)

hawlidaze are here at last THANK GOD bye guys off to gold coast for a week :>

I know I'm incredibly short on time, but I've just been rapidly revising materials regarding Martin Luther King Jr's speech for 2005, and I'm just... unbelievably moved. I could also attribute my strange hormonal extremities to the fact that I HAVE TWO PAPERS TOMORROW AND ONE MORE FRIDAY MORNING but I swear that's not just what made me tear.

I've never really been good with words when trying to convey my feelings - too many; too grossly intertwined in ways only females could possibly understand (IT's over tho!! hehe). But it is an incredible feeling, truly, to have Dr. King's words reverberate in your ears, and to feel what he wanted everyone else present at the march to feel. I'm not usually such a nerd that I'd start publicly advertising my study material but if you're feeling like having one of those heart-swells-cos-of-feels kind of nights, (and you're in the mood for something a little more intellectual than a chick flick)(although 80% of the time I'd still go with the chick flick), here you go:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/28/us/the-lasting-power-of-dr-kings-dream-speech.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0395qvq 
(this particular link's incredible - it's merely an audio of his speech, but with different global figures relating to his purpose speaking portions of his speech. The part by the boy shot by the Taliban was particularly gripping, imo)


Sometimes I wish uni weren't so academic-based. I'd really like to just learn things through self-discovery - it makes for more impactful learning anyway.

/Disclaimer: only posting this now cos i was too embarrassed to open blogger in the library and also there was no internet anyway cos i can't figure out how to work wirelesssg for the life of me/

This is crazy. I’m sitting here in the library trying to cram three subjects into my head and it suddenly just hit me that I’m in university. Surrounded by other hardworking Singaporeans it made me very conscious of who’s studying what, how old everyone is, and all of a sudden I’m just incredibly aware that I’m currently at the highest level of education in Singapore. Oh my god? How the hell did time fly by so fast, what the frark happened to my youth? I know I’m still young but… dude my real youth is gone. 20 NEXT YEAR. This is all happening so fast omg I don’t want to have to settle down in the next 10 years where is my life going!?

It’s really just crazy when you sit down to properly think about it. I’m about to be done with my first semester as a university freshman – 6 months that I first embarked on with apprehension have come and gone, I’ve made new friends (some I feel I can even really trust now), everyone else has made new friends, in different countries and continents; we’re all officially taking these gigantic baby steps to carving out our desired career for our futures. All of a sudden it’s just too much to take in, and I’m overwhelmed. And at the crux of it all, I guess what I’m trying to say is… I’m scared. I wish Life would just take a giant chillpill and let me enjoy my share of it.

Sigh, it’s as that goof farmer on youtube said, Reality hits you hard bro.

[Edit: here's the video i really do love schmoyoho]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCSBoOcGFFE  

First ever uni paper down and I'm so immensely glad it's over..!

I'm not at all sorry to see my first module go, though I have to admit it's all happening a little too fast. From four years specialising in a subject to two and now we're down to 5 months?! Eugh. I quite miss the feeling of being attached to a subject (... like Lit ! Always loved lit and i still miss it sorely). Also it sucks having to more or less "take A's once every 5 months", as Ailynn so concisely put it. Bloody Singaporean education.... I don't even feel like I'm learning much these days cos everything's whisked away so fast.

(Although on that note, GOODBYE FOREVER EXPERIMENTAL FILM *tribal dance of joy*)

(Okay la, actually I did start to appreciate it towards the end of the mod, but DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN??! We're barely given any time to truly grow fond of any subject, much less learn from it)


I suppose if anyone is interested my birthday week went pretty splendidly~~ I was feeling really pitiful and self-destructive around midweek, partly cos all my besties are in the UK/US, as I have complained time and again, but the lovely people who are still here soon saw to that ! Best Roomie Ever Manda surprised me in hall with a bunch of the Draco people whom I'm touched to say have now become somewhat like my hall family :') Well it's nice to always have people around to eat meals together with and just chill in general. (But they study far too much la omg live it a little people).

BUT WE ARE DIGRESSING yes in addition to that endearing surprise she roped Chanty and Shu in too!!!! Was so crazily touched when they jumped out of our closets I just started tearing ahahaha emotions. I think travelling all the way down to godforsaken boon lay deserves some Amanda Chai tearduct action. Big hugs and kisses to you three girls :>

And Ruth Cody Adelene surprised me in wkw the next morning after Jimmy with cake too!!! Their surprise was a huge fail but it made me love them all the more. Blessed to have (new) friends who do care :')


I'm sorry I have no photos to post..... In all honesty I'm still not feeling the lurve for ntu and transferring in my sophomore year is still a very big possibility at this point. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to transfer my iphone photos into the comp

iphones are evil guys, they make you stop using proper cameras and shit

Why do I have 39 hits today when I can't even bring myself to update this space anymore.

Started properly studying again for the first time in MONTHS cos finals are oh, next week. I must be incredibly out of touch because I am now suffering from severe nausea and The Headache From Hell. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!! Jesus. And this erratic weather isn't helping either ohgod please don't let me fall sick.

Although if i can drop some of these daily-supper-pounds in the process i don't mind getting a little sick i guess.

GOOD START TO LE BIRTHDAY WEEK ^^

Ponned 201 lecture today to film a tiny scene for CS2005 in the weird forresty No-Trespassers-Allowed place outside wkw HAHAHAHA. Really glad I got grouped with such a fun-loving bunch of people heehee Fertility Fighters ftw :>

Super tired (from a really short day at school, I know) but bounded to Bugis to meet Jing for a Thai dinner!!!! To satisfy our craving h o o R A H. So lovely catching up with her and it's so sweet that she met up with me in lieu of my birthday~~~

Sorry I'm in happy birthday mood at the moment so my posts will probably be pretty unbearable to read HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i have the urge to remind everyone that my birthday is coming omg aa max hahahahhahaha bye


#usstomorrow!

Hate to be all whiny (actually no la, it's my forte) but..... who's gonna remember my birthday now that all my besties are gone? ): Feel so awful having taken lynette for granted all those years she planned birthday surprises for me.. I am an undeserving cow sigh.

ALSO I MISS LAST YEAR'S BIRTHDAY WHEN THE CLASS SURPRISED ME WITH A TIRAMISU AFTER LIT LECTURE AND SANG HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR ME THREE TIMES AND THIS IS A REALLY HUGE DEAL CONSIDERING THEY ARE, WELL, 11A10

Guys come back to me please ):::::::

Floating on cloud 9 errbady~~~

Last night in a mad rush to get ready for the fancy shmancy hotel dinner I got a text from the D&D comm inviting me to be Events Head on the main comm!! SO HONOURED and also very reminiscent of spearheading FO2 last year sigh I hope this means things will start looking up. I need a bit of rush in my life to get over everyone's wonderful photos of uk that are positively flooding my facebook feed.  

Hosted Hall 14's MAF last thursday. Ohmygawd HOW I HAVE MISSED EMCEEING. (Also, performed. AND HOW I HAVE MISSED PERFORMING TOO) Seriously, I have ares fc to thank for bringing me so much joy in jc and giving me so much experience cos I don't think I could have mustered the courage to do all this kind of shit right now otherwise. 

A bit awkward emceeing in front of people I barely know, admittedly - and it made me really miss emceeing during Tea, Tiffin & Poetry and FO1 - but great to get that rush back :') It really irks me though that people here think I have an accent/am not local and at times seem to not understand what I'm saying..... omg come on gaiz born-and-bred ahlian here thankz.

In other news I got bangzzz again ^^

As much as my female friends are being incredibly supportive and adorable, I have come to ascertain that bangs are a certified Man Repellant. I guess... nobody really wants to hook up with a 5-year old aye. Looks like I'm staying single till they grow out again.

Yep, very single indeed.


Also this is very bizarre because I got 57 hits on my blog yesterday like whut.

Is there such a thing as being friendsick? Just sent Grass off today and it suddenly hit home that all of my close friends have officially left. I can't just pick up the phone and call/text nette jing grass en-ting yux anymore, not without having to overcome a heart-wrenching timezone wait. I know I have these stupid hole-in-heart moments a lot but this one really takes the cake. Felt like crying the entire train ride back to sad little woodlands cos I feel like I don't have anyone anymore. And I know this is just gonna get worse in two years ish when luky/joel/lei leave too. It's not just the envy that they're moving on to something bigger and better, it's the realization that I'm the only one left back here missing their guts over enjoying what's supposed to be "the best experience of my life" (read: college). Everyone says it's hard for the person going overseas, for her to come back a changed person to everyone who's still expecting the old her, but I think people don't realize it's equally hard (harder, even) for those back home just constantly awaiting their return. 

I miss each and every one of you and even though I am so incredibly happy for you I wish you were all back here beside me.

I was lonely in my hall room


(i'd recommend earphones)

Are you kidding me people are actually miserable about studying overseas

?


God give me strength (and the patience to not thwack the living daylights out of such idiots)

Starting off this post with fried chicken because.. fried chicken

(how convenient that my photos are automatically in chronological order. I did toy with the idea of intentionally jumbling them up to achieve that "cool hipster-dont-give-no-shit" effect but ew hipsters.)


In response to the million polite enquiries on how my trip was, I summed it up in "Great! But I didn't bring enough money -sadpout-". How many times I've mentally strangled myself at realising that I accidentally left 2k baht READY CHANGED in my wallet back in Singapore, I don't know. All I know is that I could have bought so many more pairs of $3 denim shorts, and we 4 wouldn't have been reduced to a pathetic grovelling heap of paupers at the massage parlour on the last day hahaha.

That said, this has to be one of my favourite trips ever - from insane tuktuk rides, directions from Lei to "bring us to Lady Boom Boom", finally trying streetfood, COCONUT ICE CREAM, to almost missing our flight home (read: insane airport sprint complete with Yux's loud-ass pull-along luggage), this weirdly put-together group that raised hella eyebrows made this short getaway mucho lovely ^^

And ironically enough, it was the company of these 3 bkk virgins that made me feel like this was the first time I was actually properly experiencing Bangkok. I already miss dramatically throwing the curtains open at 5am (dont diss that shit till you've tried it) to drag them down to the morning Pratunam market.

Lying in bed feeling partially awful cos I bailed out on lunch with my fellow interns today cos the weather. I'm in my hideous Ares hoodie and it's so comfy right now I can't even remember the last time Singapore had weather as sweet as this. I'm trying to convince myself that in the bigger picture, I'm just resting because SYDNEY IS 12 HOURS' TIME BITCHEZ. After months of daydreaming the day has finally come ohgodmy. Feel hella bad for having to bail out on Social Night too (but in my defense I was crazily looking forward to that) but o well Sydney awaits.

Thanks to anyone and everyone who still reads my blog, including my readers from Russia SAYWHUT HAHAHA :'') See y'all in a week sweeties

So totally obsessed with Beauty And The Geek at the mo (Aussie version, season 3!!!!!) I've already dug out and stalked the private facebook profiles of my favourite couples~~

SO EXCITING imagine if i bump into any of them in Sydney! which is just 2 weeks away!! So excited that july is finally here- the thought of that travelling and shopping is driving me insane.

wkw camp to start in 2 DAYS gracious. I'm clearly not one for camps or getting active.... just an update for myself to look back on in the future - i nearly died during white-water rafting in Bali a few days back.... Fell into the current and got swept away hahaha........ I might do a proper picture update seeing as how i painstakingly took photos and edited them on my spanking new iphone (VSCOCAM HOLLAAA) but we'll see. I'm getting giggly tingles just thinking of all the free time i'm not gonna have this month w o o h o o

^^

Can I just say

I absolutely DETEST boys who are kiamsiap



D E T E ST 

Tantalizing pictures from last week's chaichowdown foodtrail with Shan for your viewing pleasure, and yes I know there are more photos of us than of the food, but I did say viewing pleasure after all (hurhur).

I dont know. Ever since I left Mediacorp I've been packed with meeting friends and eating and blowing what little cash I have away... and though of course I enjoy it, and I love seeing people, is it worrying that my life still feels incredibly empty after all of it?

Maybe it's still the uni thing bugging me. Okay who am I kidding it is the uni thing. Now that both the Singapore and UCAS deadlines have rolled around, people have pretty much confirmed where they're gonna be spending the next 4 years of their life and it really sucks knowing that I'll be spending (wasting????) mine in Singapore. I feel horrid cos I can't hide my moody sulking - I mean hello this is the biggest disappointment in my life as of yet so please empathise and don't call me a whiny bitch - and I think it's really hurting my parents. At the moment they're offering to pay for an education in USC if I transfer after my 2nd year at ntu. (Ya see how I can't even be bothered to capitalise ntu hahahaha whatever sue me) It's really a very possible option for me right now, I cannot even begin to explain how much my heart desires USC - THIS IS THE BIGGEST DAMN THING I HAVE EVER WANTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE. But then again there are all these "what if"s and the very scary possibility that I might end up loving ntu too much at the end of 2 years to want to leave. Sometimes I wish uni would just start already so I could have a clearer idea of what to do with the rest of my education.

That said, I think the root of my discontent lies in wanting to travel SO BADLY right now (which I guess could be traced back to the even deeper root of wanting to get out of stifling little Singapore). I think I'm being too narrow-minded but as of now I really just want to spend my life travelling around the world for work etc.

----Sidetrack: check out anouskaproettabrandon.com for the most amazing and gorgeous fashion blogger (she's Irish omg!!!!!) I've ever discovered. In all honesty she beats Rumi Neely hands down.----

With ref to the above, it's people like Anouska who really inspire me to want more with my life - travelling and taking beautiful photos for one (or the main) thing. July needs to hurry on and get its ass over (read: BKK and Sydney!) - I need to get out of this city pronto ):

Time to stop doing stupid things like just shopping and using the comp... I really wanna get back to playing the piano, making videos, writing to scrape together a portfolio... enriching myself la haha.

I've realised my brain is constantly a mishmash of erratic thoughts so I'm probably just gonna make this a regular edit whenever I need to ~clear a little space in the corners of my mind~

MANDA'S MASH

1) Musicals and broadway songs have the ability to evoke so much awe and emotion in me! Such a sap omg

2) I think one reason why girls like having gay friends so much is cos they feel they can get close to them without having to worry about the guy falling for them

3) SINGAPOREAN GUYS ARE SO NEEDY AND INTENSE O M G

4) I spent a night deliberating whether I should get the JC Raids (white) at USD48 HOLY COW and they disappeared off the site next morning and so now I feel like kicking myself and sinking into a Pit of Despair

5) Mika/Ariana Grande's Popular Song

6) MIKA MIKA MIKA SO ATTRACTIVE WHY IS HE GAY WHY D'''''8

7) Trying to heal the gaping shoe-induced-hole in my heart by trawling sites (read: Asos/NastyGal/PLNDR/Office) but there is nothing or shipping is too expensive why is everyone hatin' on Singapore

8) Humid weather is humid

9) Just caught my dad standing at the door silently ohdearlord I hope he didn't realise I'm blogging cos I told my parents I deleted my blog cos they kept snooping and my relatives kept snooping and well yeah go away folks

10) POPULARRRR, I KNOW ABOUT POPUUU^UUULARRR

11) Really, really attracted to brunette caucasians with curly tousled hair. MIKA!!!!! HARRY!!!!!!

I hope I have entertained you for the night I'm going to turn on the aircon now.

(Hi Mandy!!! :3)

I have this really bad habit of holding onto the past.

I scramble to relive memories because I just want to remember how awesome everything felt, albeit it being 3 years ago.

Russia is gorgeous! We actually didn't see much cos we were too busy preparing for the competition etc. but still, it should definitely make everyone's bucket list.

I'm sick and blogging in bed, le sigh.. In other news, my time at MediaCorp ended yesterday on a really bittersweet note, as all farewells do.

Oh god I apologise to myself for this really erratically-assembled post.... But while we're at it I might as well throw in there that the 4 years I spent in St Nicks were some of the best damn years of my life.

Yay!