Disappointment. In friends, in results, in myself. But mostly myself.

Sometimes I think how easy it would be to just walk out onto the road at that opportune moment and just be rid of everything.

I call you but you're not home
I can't seem to talk to you anymore
You wouldn't understand

Feels like I'm losing the 2 people I thought I could count on my entire life. I've never felt so alone before.

There are so many bigger problems and worries happening out there in the world, and I have the fucking nerve to feel miserable for myself. Talk about being a selfish piece of shit.

few photos from june when i went to RRRR to study with my clarababy~

Massive spammage of photos on my fb last night cos of Manda+Clara+Me hahahahaha aww i love photos. These last few days have been such pure unadulterated fun i think my wee little soul went on overload so i went to bed with a massive headache last night. Flea on saturdayyy, meeting Clara + the MEP girls @ Clarke Quay to celebrate Hannah's birthday on monday, then food-ing & exploring dhoby w/ Manda yesterday HOOWEEE I AM TUCKERED OUT. I love being in/from an all-girls' school. I say it all the time but I really would give anything to go back to St Nicks.

On the topic of Hannah's birthday though.. I would really like to spend my 18th in a little bar with a few close friends too ! Nothing fancy, just a little low-key gathering with heels, eyeliner and some light alcohol. Would be nice. Don't think any of my SN/HC friends would be up for that though; I think this year's gonna be a quiet forget-me-please stay-in at home since school officially ends on the 12th. Ah well.

In other news, I have decided to go fringeless ! I think it's one of the worst decisions I've ever made in my whole life but it's okay, trying new things every now and again SHAPES CHARACTER. And anyway if it's still this ugly by prom i'll just snip it off and go back to my reliable bangs. My identifier........

I quote my dear junior: "NEW HAIR, NEW SEASON"

BRING ON THE MUGGING BITCHEZ

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER BOTHERED TO UPLOAD A VIDEO

KEEPING TRUE TO MY WORDS AND TWEETING/BLOGGING ONLY IN CAPS TODAY OH GOD I LOVE THIS NEW VIDEO SO SO MUCH I'VE ALREADY WATCHED IT 20 TIMES TODAY ZAYN IS FKING SEXY NIALL IS SO ADORABLY AWKWARD

AND

HARRY IS THE MOST GORGEOUS PERSON ON EARTHHHHHH

YEH IM A FANGURRRL ISNT LIFE GREAT

THIS IS SO STRANGE WHY AM I RACKING UP SO MANY VIEWS NOWADAYS ESPECIALLY 11 VIEWS EVERY NIGHT AROUND 11PM. Creepy.................

On a slightly happier and less creepy note, I am feeling mucho better from yesterday ! h2h with chanty was so effective im still reeling from it~~ Went home and cut up tshirts to make tank tops hahahahaha i am lame... And because i was feeling deserving of a break today and everyone i know still has papers to go i went ahead to bother joel so we went to American Club and i was a posh american expat for a day whoopee. I miss the American Club the last time i went there i was 8/9 and bffs with this angmoh girl in my street called Amanda too. And look at me now.. such a recluse that half my neighbours always get shocked when they find out that little old Brandon Chai has NOT ONE BUT TWO SISTERS.

But anyway enough of that I just made another date with my other Manda so yayyy can't wait for that ! I am clearly a needy person in need of love from my friends.......... i talk too much.

SO YES, WHOEVER THE 11 READERS ARE WHO ONLY STRIKE AT 11PM, HELLO TO YOU.

Many times I complain about the people in my life, my friends who don't show me enough care and concern, the shit that seems to happen only to me. But really, I don't know what I'd do without all these lovely people I'm so privileged to call my friends in my life; I really don't know where I'd be today. I don't know how many times today I almost started crying right there in public, not because math absolutely destroyed me, but because everyone was being so sweet and comforting me and basically just letting me know I AM NOT ALONE. Just makes me want to, no, have to work even harder so I won't let anyone down.

If you're out there somewhere reading this embarrassing post I love you all, my friends; you make life beautiful.

Parents never understand anything.

I am so hopeless I swear. Even at this (LATE) stage in my life I'm still getting distracted by little things like spending hours trawling fashion blogs and Youtube hauls. What is wrong with me?! Honestly what a terrible time to be getting into fashion. But while I'm at it, I just have to say that I think my wardrobe is in dire need of a severe revamping. And shoes have seriously become my biggest weakness. It's disgusting. God knows where I'll even wear all the different shoes I'm currently lusting after, given my 14-year old looks and stature, but... GOSH. No words.

Stumbled upon 2 local fashion bloggers - one's really pretty and the other has wicked wit. Not that they're mutually exclusive but.. ah, heck. >>>>

jemmawei.com
1blog2lives.com

If anyone who's reading this is remotely interested in fashion and impeccably beautiful girls and clothes, I also recommend checking out

• anouskaproettabrandon.com
• anetaaneta.blogspot.com
• moonriver.blogspot.com

and sunbeamsjess and fashionrocksmysocks and clothesencounters on youtube. Lovely lovely girls. 

I really love Brit accents. So sunbeamsjess and fashionrocksmysocks are my ultimate go-tos. Anouska has a bewitching Irish accent too. Ta, the beautiful life of a beauty vlogger.