Sometimes I wonder if I conceded too quickly

CNY............... angbaos in rinngit, shopping, photos, outrageous/garish/brightlikefck clothes, shopping, food... that pretty much sums up my cny in Malaysia. Not really in the blogging mood these days, esp uploading photos (which, ironically from personal experience, i have deduced is the bait that snags and keeps readers), but if anything, 2 main thoughts have floated up to the top of my subconscious these past few days:

1) I WANT TO BAINIAN AT FRIENDS' HOUSES!!!!!!!!! ):

2) This might be my last cny with the family for the next 4 years

It's no secret how much I want to study in US. But oh god the admissions and the money.... I need a miracle. This leads to endless incessant worrying that leads to pseudo migraines that only lead back to (1) so I can find some relief in petty selfish whining. Also, I don't really wanna face up to the fact that (2) might be true enough to make me sorely homesick, esp in relation to my grandparents whom I've (finally) come to realise I treasure so, so much.