I have this really bad habit of holding onto the past.

I scramble to relive memories because I just want to remember how awesome everything felt, albeit it being 3 years ago.

Russia is gorgeous! We actually didn't see much cos we were too busy preparing for the competition etc. but still, it should definitely make everyone's bucket list.

I'm sick and blogging in bed, le sigh.. In other news, my time at MediaCorp ended yesterday on a really bittersweet note, as all farewells do.

Oh god I apologise to myself for this really erratically-assembled post.... But while we're at it I might as well throw in there that the 4 years I spent in St Nicks were some of the best damn years of my life.

Yay!

I wonder. I went into 11A10 feeling disgust, trepidation, and the overwhelming need to transfer to ANY CLASS, so long as I got away from the class that I thought would never come close to fulfilling my jc fantasy. Yet it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life, and though I wouldn't say that we are necessarily the closest class ever, A10 is outrageously near and dear to my heart ^^

SO. I wonder. I wonder if going into NTU thinking I'll have the most miserable time of my life, not make any friends, be stuck with yet another cheena-type school (read: St Nicks > Hwach > NTU) and long for another school that was almost mine (read: USC /weeps) - I wonder if at the end of the day all that will work out for me just like how Hwachong and A10 worked out.

To be honest I've never gotten what I wanted - failed dsa to nanyang brought me to SN, failed cca application to eldds sent me straight to choir, NJ IP failed, walked into the wrong class (A16) on the first day of (HAHAHAHA) and realised I was actually in A10.... basically you get the gist, I have failed a lot in my life HAHA. But in a sick way I'm really thankful I did ! Otherwise who knows what kind of person I would be today. Someone once told me you're currently shaped by the people you've met in the last 10 years, and I couldn't have been more grateful. St Nicks alone, for sure, brought me together with so many amazing people that I'm glad to still have with me at this point of my life; Hwach was the best mistake that ever happened to me - my eyes have been so opened by the people I met in my class/artstream, fc and rioHC helped me grow so much I really appreciate the change they've brought about in me.

I guess I just really hope now that this new failure/rejection/disappointment dealt by His hand will turn out to be yet another blessing in disguise. I need to stop being so moody and pessimistic all the time gah, makes me feel like such an ungrateful bitch ;_;

Sigh, sorry for being so pensive these days.

Got this off a dear friend's blog; it's beautiful, so is she; it makes me wistful yet again for something I can never do.


'We're scared of falling in love with the moment, because we know it is fleeting. We don't want to watch it go by, and then long for it to return. Nobody wants to be almost happy.'

Some of the beautiful youtube music I mentioned in the previous post for everyone's listening pleasure:

Love these cover bands (Us and Walk Off The Earth) particularly so because you can tell they're really loving the music they're making - everything's incredibly heartfelt so it stirs something in you too. Maybe I'll have the guts and passion to do that one day, but for now living through theirs will suffice.

I'm sitting here at the miniscule temp staff cubicle that I don't even have the luxury to call my own
listening to underappreciated cover bands on youtube;
coral nails typing away at mundane menial admin work.

It might just be this particular dreary combination, at 2:36pm on a Thursday afternoon (which in my opinion is the most random out-of-nowhere day in the week, next to Tuesdays), but sitting here makes me all the more certain that I want something more with my life. In all my essays I've talked about being drawn to glitz and glamour, and right now I'm not afraid to admit that I think that's really where I want to go. Maybe not right smack in the middle - I'd be more than content with writing in the shadows as long as I'm given the privilege to retain my own voice, write for topics I'm interested in, you know. If anything I could always wear a full-on glitter bodysuit just to get in the mood.

I can't write prettily. Sometimes I wish I could, because I know strong grammar and camaraderie with the built-in thesaurus isn't special enough to get you places. I envy those gifted enough to effortlessly translate their thoughts into beauty - nothing pretentious like what you'd get in Hwa Chong or even (God forbid) here. If I could write prettily I would just document random bits of fluff in a little notebook everyday, just because I can. (I might then proceed to gush over how doubly pretty my writing was - fyi I have impeccable handwriting that has made it to the likes of Ms Heng's OHP. Also earned me a few stickers.)

I don't know. What a wonderful world we live in, with so much incredible beauty in prose and music it makes your head spin. I think, all I really want is to one day be a part of it, fully immersed such that the very pores of my skin leak sheer art. It probably would reduce me to a poor in-debt sop, but dare I venture that I would be greatly enlightened..? And well I'm sure it'd do wonders for my complexion.

Big plans big dreams no money