There are so many things that happened in 2013 that I am grateful for, truly - new experiences, relationships, travelling to Sydney and Bangkok (and oh! Genting), my internship at Mediacorp, among many others - and one day I will collate them all properly in a chronological blog tribute.
But,
All that said and done, all that's in the past and how can I even begin to try to be happy when I know that what my future holds is another 3.5 years here in Singapore?
My mum always tells me I'll never be contented with what I have, and so I'll never be happy in life. It's true but I can't help it. And I can't help wondering why and how something went so wrong in May that messed up what should have been the perfect journey I'd so meticulously planned out since secondary school.
To everyone I've met here in ntu so far, I'm very thankful. But I'm really sorry to have to say that I'll never be happy here.
And it scares me to think that because of this one setback that threw my whole plan off-track, I may never be happy at all.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Sunday, December 22, 2013
CHRISTMAS IS HERE (((almost)))) !!!!
And what better way to get into the spirit of Christmas than with a lustful Christmas wishlist
Top Lusts of this month include:
1) This perfect pair of black boots from bxtwxxn.com (it took so long to finally find the perfect black boot!!)
2) ASOS Live Wire Nude ballet flats with the wide ankle band that I personally find extremely feminine and just so lush (http://www.asos.com/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3160439)
3) ASOS Boucle Blazer/Cardi - can I just say that even with the gazillion cardis that I have I don't actually have a chic comfy one like that (http://www.asos.com/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3256400)
Yeah I know Christmas is 3 days away and I never get presents from anyone apart from my family but idk, just in case anyone who happens to want to get me something pops by this space, I thought I'd help them out a little....
You know, what with the season of giving and all.
(I'm a UK5/EU38 in shoes and a UK6 in clothes, btw.)
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
I know I'm incredibly short on time, but I've just been rapidly revising materials regarding Martin Luther King Jr's speech for 2005, and I'm just... unbelievably moved. I could also attribute my strange hormonal extremities to the fact that I HAVE TWO PAPERS TOMORROW AND ONE MORE FRIDAY MORNING but I swear that's not just what made me tear.
I've never really been good with words when trying to convey my feelings - too many; too grossly intertwined in ways only females could possibly understand (IT's over tho!! hehe). But it is an incredible feeling, truly, to have Dr. King's words reverberate in your ears, and to feel what he wanted everyone else present at the march to feel. I'm not usually such a nerd that I'd start publicly advertising my study material but if you're feeling like having one of those heart-swells-cos-of-feels kind of nights, (and you're in the mood for something a little more intellectual than a chick flick)(although 80% of the time I'd still go with the chick flick), here you go:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/28/us/the-lasting-power-of-dr-kings-dream-speech.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0395qvq
(this particular link's incredible - it's merely an audio of his speech, but with different global figures relating to his purpose speaking portions of his speech. The part by the boy shot by the Taliban was particularly gripping, imo)
Sometimes I wish uni weren't so academic-based. I'd really like to just learn things through self-discovery - it makes for more impactful learning anyway.
I've never really been good with words when trying to convey my feelings - too many; too grossly intertwined in ways only females could possibly understand (IT's over tho!! hehe). But it is an incredible feeling, truly, to have Dr. King's words reverberate in your ears, and to feel what he wanted everyone else present at the march to feel. I'm not usually such a nerd that I'd start publicly advertising my study material but if you're feeling like having one of those heart-swells-cos-of-feels kind of nights, (and you're in the mood for something a little more intellectual than a chick flick)(although 80% of the time I'd still go with the chick flick), here you go:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/28/us/the-lasting-power-of-dr-kings-dream-speech.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0395qvq
(this particular link's incredible - it's merely an audio of his speech, but with different global figures relating to his purpose speaking portions of his speech. The part by the boy shot by the Taliban was particularly gripping, imo)
Sometimes I wish uni weren't so academic-based. I'd really like to just learn things through self-discovery - it makes for more impactful learning anyway.
Monday, December 2, 2013
/Disclaimer: only posting this now cos i was too embarrassed to open blogger in the library and also there was no internet anyway cos i can't figure out how to work wirelesssg for the life of me/
This is crazy. I’m sitting here in the library trying to
cram three subjects into my head and it suddenly just hit me that I’m in university. Surrounded by other
hardworking Singaporeans it made me very conscious of who’s studying what, how
old everyone is, and all of a sudden I’m just incredibly aware that I’m
currently at the highest level of education in Singapore. Oh my god? How the
hell did time fly by so fast, what the frark happened to my youth? I know I’m
still young but… dude my real youth is gone. 20 NEXT YEAR. This is all happening so
fast omg I don’t want to have to settle down in the next 10 years where is my
life going!?
It’s really just crazy when you sit down to properly think
about it. I’m about to be done with my first semester as a university freshman
– 6 months that I first embarked on with apprehension have come and gone, I’ve
made new friends (some I feel I can even really trust now), everyone else has
made new friends, in different countries and continents; we’re all officially
taking these gigantic baby steps to carving out our desired career for our
futures. All of a sudden it’s just too much to take in, and I’m overwhelmed. And
at the crux of it all, I guess what I’m trying to say is… I’m scared. I wish
Life would just take a giant chillpill and let me enjoy my share of it.
Sigh, it’s as that goof farmer on youtube said, Reality hits
you hard bro.
[Edit: here's the video i really do love schmoyoho]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCSBoOcGFFE
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
First ever uni paper down and I'm so immensely glad it's over..!
I'm not at all sorry to see my first module go, though I have to admit it's all happening a little too fast. From four years specialising in a subject to two and now we're down to 5 months?! Eugh. I quite miss the feeling of being attached to a subject (... like Lit ! Always loved lit and i still miss it sorely). Also it sucks having to more or less "take A's once every 5 months", as Ailynn so concisely put it. Bloody Singaporean education.... I don't even feel like I'm learning much these days cos everything's whisked away so fast.
(Although on that note, GOODBYE FOREVER EXPERIMENTAL FILM *tribal dance of joy*)
(Okay la, actually I did start to appreciate it towards the end of the mod, but DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN??! We're barely given any time to truly grow fond of any subject, much less learn from it)
I suppose if anyone is interested my birthday week went pretty splendidly~~ I was feeling really pitiful and self-destructive around midweek, partly cos all my besties are in the UK/US, as I have complained time and again, but the lovely people who are still here soon saw to that ! Best Roomie Ever Manda surprised me in hall with a bunch of the Draco people whom I'm touched to say have now become somewhat like my hall family :') Well it's nice to always have people around to eat meals together with and just chill in general. (But they study far too much la omg live it a little people).
BUT WE ARE DIGRESSING yes in addition to that endearing surprise she roped Chanty and Shu in too!!!! Was so crazily touched when they jumped out of our closets I just started tearing ahahaha emotions. I think travelling all the way down to godforsaken boon lay deserves some Amanda Chai tearduct action. Big hugs and kisses to you three girls :>
And Ruth Cody Adelene surprised me in wkw the next morning after Jimmy with cake too!!! Their surprise was a huge fail but it made me love them all the more. Blessed to have (new) friends who do care :')
I'm sorry I have no photos to post..... In all honesty I'm still not feeling the lurve for ntu and transferring in my sophomore year is still a very big possibility at this point. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to transfer my iphone photos into the comp
iphones are evil guys, they make you stop using proper cameras and shit
I'm not at all sorry to see my first module go, though I have to admit it's all happening a little too fast. From four years specialising in a subject to two and now we're down to 5 months?! Eugh. I quite miss the feeling of being attached to a subject (... like Lit ! Always loved lit and i still miss it sorely). Also it sucks having to more or less "take A's once every 5 months", as Ailynn so concisely put it. Bloody Singaporean education.... I don't even feel like I'm learning much these days cos everything's whisked away so fast.
(Although on that note, GOODBYE FOREVER EXPERIMENTAL FILM *tribal dance of joy*)
(Okay la, actually I did start to appreciate it towards the end of the mod, but DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN??! We're barely given any time to truly grow fond of any subject, much less learn from it)
I suppose if anyone is interested my birthday week went pretty splendidly~~ I was feeling really pitiful and self-destructive around midweek, partly cos all my besties are in the UK/US, as I have complained time and again, but the lovely people who are still here soon saw to that ! Best Roomie Ever Manda surprised me in hall with a bunch of the Draco people whom I'm touched to say have now become somewhat like my hall family :') Well it's nice to always have people around to eat meals together with and just chill in general. (But they study far too much la omg live it a little people).
BUT WE ARE DIGRESSING yes in addition to that endearing surprise she roped Chanty and Shu in too!!!! Was so crazily touched when they jumped out of our closets I just started tearing ahahaha emotions. I think travelling all the way down to godforsaken boon lay deserves some Amanda Chai tearduct action. Big hugs and kisses to you three girls :>
And Ruth Cody Adelene surprised me in wkw the next morning after Jimmy with cake too!!! Their surprise was a huge fail but it made me love them all the more. Blessed to have (new) friends who do care :')
I'm sorry I have no photos to post..... In all honesty I'm still not feeling the lurve for ntu and transferring in my sophomore year is still a very big possibility at this point. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to transfer my iphone photos into the comp
iphones are evil guys, they make you stop using proper cameras and shit
Monday, November 18, 2013
Started properly studying again for the first time in MONTHS cos finals are oh, next week. I must be incredibly out of touch because I am now suffering from severe nausea and The Headache From Hell. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!! Jesus. And this erratic weather isn't helping either ohgod please don't let me fall sick.
Although if i can drop some of these daily-supper-pounds in the process i don't mind getting a little sick i guess.
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