I wonder. I went into 11A10 feeling disgust, trepidation, and the overwhelming need to transfer to ANY CLASS, so long as I got away from the class that I thought would never come close to fulfilling my jc fantasy. Yet it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life, and though I wouldn't say that we are necessarily the closest class ever, A10 is outrageously near and dear to my heart ^^

SO. I wonder. I wonder if going into NTU thinking I'll have the most miserable time of my life, not make any friends, be stuck with yet another cheena-type school (read: St Nicks > Hwach > NTU) and long for another school that was almost mine (read: USC /weeps) - I wonder if at the end of the day all that will work out for me just like how Hwachong and A10 worked out.

To be honest I've never gotten what I wanted - failed dsa to nanyang brought me to SN, failed cca application to eldds sent me straight to choir, NJ IP failed, walked into the wrong class (A16) on the first day of (HAHAHAHA) and realised I was actually in A10.... basically you get the gist, I have failed a lot in my life HAHA. But in a sick way I'm really thankful I did ! Otherwise who knows what kind of person I would be today. Someone once told me you're currently shaped by the people you've met in the last 10 years, and I couldn't have been more grateful. St Nicks alone, for sure, brought me together with so many amazing people that I'm glad to still have with me at this point of my life; Hwach was the best mistake that ever happened to me - my eyes have been so opened by the people I met in my class/artstream, fc and rioHC helped me grow so much I really appreciate the change they've brought about in me.

I guess I just really hope now that this new failure/rejection/disappointment dealt by His hand will turn out to be yet another blessing in disguise. I need to stop being so moody and pessimistic all the time gah, makes me feel like such an ungrateful bitch ;_;

Sigh, sorry for being so pensive these days.

Got this off a dear friend's blog; it's beautiful, so is she; it makes me wistful yet again for something I can never do.


'We're scared of falling in love with the moment, because we know it is fleeting. We don't want to watch it go by, and then long for it to return. Nobody wants to be almost happy.'

Some of the beautiful youtube music I mentioned in the previous post for everyone's listening pleasure:

Love these cover bands (Us and Walk Off The Earth) particularly so because you can tell they're really loving the music they're making - everything's incredibly heartfelt so it stirs something in you too. Maybe I'll have the guts and passion to do that one day, but for now living through theirs will suffice.

I'm sitting here at the miniscule temp staff cubicle that I don't even have the luxury to call my own
listening to underappreciated cover bands on youtube;
coral nails typing away at mundane menial admin work.

It might just be this particular dreary combination, at 2:36pm on a Thursday afternoon (which in my opinion is the most random out-of-nowhere day in the week, next to Tuesdays), but sitting here makes me all the more certain that I want something more with my life. In all my essays I've talked about being drawn to glitz and glamour, and right now I'm not afraid to admit that I think that's really where I want to go. Maybe not right smack in the middle - I'd be more than content with writing in the shadows as long as I'm given the privilege to retain my own voice, write for topics I'm interested in, you know. If anything I could always wear a full-on glitter bodysuit just to get in the mood.

I can't write prettily. Sometimes I wish I could, because I know strong grammar and camaraderie with the built-in thesaurus isn't special enough to get you places. I envy those gifted enough to effortlessly translate their thoughts into beauty - nothing pretentious like what you'd get in Hwa Chong or even (God forbid) here. If I could write prettily I would just document random bits of fluff in a little notebook everyday, just because I can. (I might then proceed to gush over how doubly pretty my writing was - fyi I have impeccable handwriting that has made it to the likes of Ms Heng's OHP. Also earned me a few stickers.)

I don't know. What a wonderful world we live in, with so much incredible beauty in prose and music it makes your head spin. I think, all I really want is to one day be a part of it, fully immersed such that the very pores of my skin leak sheer art. It probably would reduce me to a poor in-debt sop, but dare I venture that I would be greatly enlightened..? And well I'm sure it'd do wonders for my complexion.

Big plans big dreams no money

YEAHHHHHHHHHH HAPPY AS A HIPPO RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DAD JUST ANNOUNCED THAT WE FINALLY GOT ENTERTAINMENT CHANNELS ON CABLE IE. FOX/STARWORLD/MTV ETC !!!!!!!

This is colossal news nobody can even begin to fathom my immense ecstatic joy right now hohoahaoha.

Giddy with happiness right now~~~ Also, my dad just upgraded me to an iphone cos my shitty (free) android was driving me nuts. But of course, that does not measure or even come close to the fact that we now have entertainment cable. Like, my fingers are legit shaking as I'm typing now, just thinking about all those lovely weeks (years? decades? centuries?????) to come watching antm and the like.

This kind of makes up for not going overseas, I guess. EVER SO MARGINALLY.
I think once this burbling joy wears off then I'll go back to being mopey about US hahaha okay whatever hooray

Actually I think all this guilt-gifting from the 'rents works for me too

So many things bogging down my mind recently I can barely find the time to even key in blogger.com into my search bar.

It's becoming quite ridiculous actually, how I'm starting to see blogging as an obligation these days when I'd always intended it as more of a respite.

Whatever, in other news, I'm busy as frark with my internship now - squeezing daily dinners in with multiple groups of friends is making me poor and exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly thankful to have this internship and it's (almost) exactly what I imagined and wanted it to be. It's just that it's becoming slightly mundane and I do miss the freedom and fun of Jan '13. Sighpiez. Just gonna stick it out for a while more then I'll focus on my playing, hehe. That said though, I think I'm gonna be really sad to leave when I do. I've come to feel quite at home with the Marketing bunch (yes o m f g MARKETING) and apart from becoming homiez with my fellow interns Jenny/Carine/Jasmine, I've really grown very fond of Cheryl ! Ha she's like my 2nd mum. Oh parting is such sweet sorrow.

And my schools, sigh. Blessed to have gotten into everything I wanted, but now being faced with the fact that my US dreams may never come true cos of $$$$$ is too heartbreaking to bear )': At a complete loss now - I feel so stuck and May 1st is looming disgustingly near.

SOMETIMES I JUST WISH LIFE WERE SIMPLE AND FUN AND DECISIONS WERE EASY AND I COULD BE EASILY CONTENTED AND HAPPY 4EVA